How does give and take action matter in relationships?
Give and take is a fundamental principle of creation, mirroring God's own dual characteristics and nature. In relationships, a subject partner initiates love and value, while an object partner responds with beauty and corresponding value, centered on God's purpose of creation. This reciprocal interaction, when harmonious and guided by a conscience focused on goodness, creates joy, growth, and reflects God's divine essence, fulfilling our human purpose.
Understanding how give and take operates in relationships is perhaps the most practical wisdom anyone can possess, as it directly determines the quality of every connection we form—from marriage and family to friendships and professional partnerships. This principle reveals why some relationships flourish with increasing joy while others deteriorate into conflict and resentment. It is not merely a transactional exchange but a fundamental principle of creation and divine love.
The Biblical Foundation: Reciprocal Love
Scripture provides clear guidance on healthy relationships through the principle of reciprocity, often encapsulated in the Golden Rule. Jesus summarized the law and prophets, stating, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12). This foundational teaching emphasizes an active, outward-looking approach to interaction, where one's own desires for good treatment become the standard for treating others. The Apostle Paul further elaborated on this dynamic, particularly in the context of marriage. He instructs husbands, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25), highlighting a sacrificial, giving love. Concurrently, wives are admonished that "the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33), signifying a responsive and appreciative posture. Paul’s broader counsel, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21), underscores that healthy relationships require mutual, reciprocal action and respect, not a unilateral imposition of will.
The two great commandments themselves delineate a profound give and take: loving God with all one's heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37) represents an internal giving of devotion and trust, and in return, receiving God’s boundless love and grace. The second, loving one's neighbor as oneself (Matthew 22:39), is an external manifestation of giving through service, compassion, and understanding, which then fosters a community where love is shared and received collectively. Jesus also emphasized the blessings inherent in giving, declaring, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35), suggesting that true fulfillment comes from initiating love and support, rather than merely being the recipient. This biblical understanding lays the groundwork for the Divine Principle's more detailed exposition of cosmic give and take.
Divine Principle's Clarification: The Subject and Object in Give and Take
The Divine Principle explains that every successful relationship, from the smallest atom to the grandest universe, and especially human relationships, requires clearly understood subject and object partners engaged in proper give and take action. This core principle, fundamental to the Principle of Creation, states that all created beings maintain their existence, develop, and multiply through reciprocal interaction. Every entity possesses dual characteristics: an internal character and an external form, which resemble each other. The internal character, as the subject, provides purpose and will, while the essential external form, as the object, embodies that purpose. This applies even to the mind and body in human beings, or to positive and negative ions in matter.
Crucially, these roles are not about superiority or inferiority but about function and purpose within a dynamic interaction. In relationships, the subject partner initiates by giving love or value, while the object partner responds by returning beauty or corresponding value. For instance, in God's relationship with creation, God is the subject of love, and human beings and the world of creation are object partners of beauty. Similarly, a man can be the subject of love and a woman the object of beauty. When both partners fulfill their roles with sincerity and a heart centered on God’s purpose of creation, a circular motion of love develops, creating increasing joy, unity, and growth. This continuous flow generates new energy and purpose, allowing the relationship to flourish and realizing the four-position foundation centered on God.
Problems arise when this give and take action breaks down. If the subject fails to give with genuine love, seeking to dominate or control rather than uplift, or if the object fails to respond with sincere appreciation and cooperation, the circular flow is disrupted. When either partner becomes self-centered, prioritizing their own desires over the well-being of the relationship, the harmonious interaction ceases, leading to disharmony, stagnation, and eventually, the deterioration of the relationship. This is because all value is ultimately determined through the four-position foundation centered on God, and when relationships deviate from this, they move away from goodness.
The Deeper Meaning: Reflecting Divine Nature
When Biblical teaching on love and reciprocity combines with the Divine Principle's explanation of give and take, we understand that healthy relationships are microcosms of God's own nature. God, as the First Cause, possesses the original internal character and original essential external form. Within God's being, there is perfect give and take action of purpose and design, which is reflected throughout creation. "For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse" (Romans 1:20). When we engage in loving give and take with others, we participate in this divine rhythm and reflect God's very essence, fulfilling the purpose for which we were created (Genesis 1:28).
This is why relationships bring such profound joy when working well—we are experiencing the very energy that flows within God's heart, who created the universe to find joy through tangible object partners. Conversely, broken relationships cause such deep pain because they represent a disruption of our fundamental nature as beings created for love. Every relationship, therefore, is an opportunity to practice divine love, mirroring the perfect harmony and joy inherent in God's creative design.
Living the Principle
1. Prioritize God's Purpose: Center desires and actions on God's purpose of creation, seeking truth, beauty, goodness, and love in object partners. 2. Give Love, Return Beauty: As a subject partner, initiate love and guidance; as an object partner, respond with loyalty, filial piety, fidelity, and appreciation. 3. Cultivate Conscience and Heart: Allow conscience to guide actions, directing desires toward the good according to a God-centered foundation. 4. Practice Absolute Sexual Ethics: Uphold loyalty, fidelity, and filial piety as the foundation for expressing love within family and marriage.
These answers explain the Bible in the light of the Divine Principle, the teachings of Reverend Sun Myung Moon. Read about the author, Sun Myung Moon.
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Sources and further reading
- The Holy Bible, King James Version — Scripture quoted and referenced throughout the answers.
- The Divine Principle (full text) — The complete text of the Divine Principle, the teaching of Reverend Sun Myung Moon that these answers explain.
- Unification texts library (tparents.org) — Large online library of Unification texts, sermons and collected speeches, including the Cheon Seong Gyeong.
- Short video lectures in English — Playlist of short English video lectures presenting these same principles.